I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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