Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
