How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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