dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
