What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
