Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just cropdusted the office
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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