forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just puked most of my soul out..
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