Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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