Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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