Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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