I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
