Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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