People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
