woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
