so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
