please come you make the beer taste better
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
