i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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