My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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