it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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