I heard we made out
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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