my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We need to get me chipped asap
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
