i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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