you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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