Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
