A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I cannot find my penis.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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