It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
