went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
