I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Randomize
