I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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