Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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