Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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