I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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