How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
