turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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