hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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