Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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