Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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