FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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