it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
