I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
