she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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