so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize