I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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