remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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