Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
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I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
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