I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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