my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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