piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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