i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I want to have your abortion
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
