the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
