alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
