I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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