..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
