I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
