we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sorry about my life...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
