Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
