If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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