I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
