Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she pinky promised me she was 18
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Dear god my vagina.
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