yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
false alarm. still invincible.
ugly people sure do ruin things
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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