Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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