Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
