Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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