his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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