would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
