nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
