he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
