I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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