she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize