Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
