yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
