You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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